So I have been grumpy for a few days and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. I was looking for all sorts of reasons and my brain being the wonderful story teller it is was coming up with various plausible explanations. All of which I could buy into. One of the things it was really trying to do was blame other people, so whenever it came up with the possibility that my bad mood was someone else’s fault I explored that further.
I am aware however of the truth that my mood has nothing to do with someone else. Perhaps they have done something and I have created some meaning from it that then created my mood. I knew however that line of thinking was a smoke screen to what was going on.
The other thing that happens for me when I am feeling low is my brain trying to reinforce my experience (whatever experiencing I am having) seeks out the evidence to reinforce it. So in that state I started to notice all the other things that were wrong or not working or I am not very good at and before you know it I was feeling quite sorry for myself.
On reflection where I got to was that I was scared. This was a sure sign for me to reach out to one of my coaches. I find it interesting that as I write ‘I was feeling scared’ even to me it feels like the kind of thing I shouldn’t say publicly given that we coach people to feel good and create effective lives. So funny that we have a tendency to not own up to this stuff, meaning that when it occurs we think we are alone in it. As I spoke to my own coach I was reminded how I can know something and when I am in it for myself it is much harder to see than it is for someone else to see.
What I was reminded of from the conversation is that being scared is really normal, it is part of the human condition. Our ego tries to keep us safe by chucking in fear of what we don’t know, what we might be missing out on, what might be on the other side of the door. I know from my own experience when I choose expansion in my life I continue to come across places that are unfamiliar and can be scary. For me knowing that feeling scared is simply part of the journey allows me to acknowledge it rather than run away. To say ‘hello, thank you for trying to protect me, but I am choosing to carry on’.
Knowing that being scared is a normal part of life prevents my brain having to create more stories to keep the feeling hanging there. Today I choose to notice and decide that my feeling scared must mean I am growing – whatever story I choose to tell is just a story and growth feels to me like an empowering story. I hope that next time I get this feeling I will remember that feeling scared is just a normal part of life and if I don’t remember I know that I have a bunch of people in our Fresh Air Fridays Community along with my own coaches that will help me see clearly again. You never know I might seek out this blog and use my own words to remind me.