Less drama, more relationship

There are very few things that impact us more than the quality of our relationships both at work and home. Improving our relationships in either setting can have a significant impact on our wellbeing, health and happiness.

Misunderstandings

Recently, I had an instance with a potential tenant. I thought they were meeting up to view a room in a house to decide if they were interested in renting it. However they turned up with all their stuff – thinking they were about to move in.

Challenges

I got very drawn in to the challenges they were having with their current tenancy, including having no water. They felt they needed somewhere instantly in order to do their job effectively and having to go straight onto a night shift was another issue.  The whole discussion felt pressured and I was drawn to help, meaning I’d have to get around all the checks that are in place to protect both landlords and tenants. It began to become stressful, time consuming and clearly wasn’t working for either of us.

On standing back and looking at what occurred, here is the learning:

  • No drama: avoid getting caught up in a drama. Whenever there is drama or high emotion, at least one person in the interchange is not thinking clearly.
  • Stick to the plan: if there was a plan, process, structure, clear goals of what you are seeking to achieve – stick to it.
  • Feelings: notice what you are feeling.
  • Story: notice what story you are telling yourself.
  • Facts: what are the facts to consider? These can often be very few and far between. Much of what we think of as facts are stories or opinions.
  • Communication: think through what needs to be communicated. Avoid making the other person ‘wrong’ – for their emotion, opinion or anything else you think they are ‘wrong’ about. Own your stuff. For example, “I understand you really want this to happen but it doesn’t work for me as it is.” “I would appreciate it if you could explain your thinking, as I had something different in my head.”

Taking the drama out really works

The biggest learning in this instance was taking the drama out. We see it happening all the time when we make something that’s happening a ‘big’ problem, rather than something that is happening. The drama is unhelpful and it makes it almost impossible to think clearly and effectively. Even in very critical situations the most helpful people are those not caught up in the drama. Think about the SAS!

Breathing, having time in nature, mindful awareness are all ways of creating space to prevent us getting caught up in the drama. Find out more by visiting our Total Wellbeing pages.

written by

Ruth Steggles